Week 21: Failures
This past weekend I attended an after party following a friend's debut of his new single at a local night club. The M/F ratio was better than the usual scene in the area, but not ideal. Since my group and I (in total 3 guys) tend to be too overbearing together, we split up and worked the crowd individually. A few minutes in, I opened an HB7. She was cute and fairly responsive. After a few minutes I disengaged to freshen my drink and mingle with the other guests. I opened a few others, including a HB8 and a HB6 who was in the midst of the wall. About 20 minutes later I spotted HB7 chatting with one of my friends. I could tell from her body language she was interested in him as well.
I continued on about my business.
Over the course of the evening My friend and I each found ourselves speaking to HB7. I saw no reason to divert my game, nor did he. The summary of the end result is my friend ultimately managed the # close.
At first, I confess that I felt annoyance at the girl, my friend and myself. What makes him so great? Why did he get the # when i'm more knowledgeable in game and on average more polished? What's wrong with me?
After this gut reaction (even the slightest whiff of rejection affects even the best of us for a moment) I was able to remind myself of a few things;
Some women are just not/attracted to certain things:
My friend is a runner, I am a weight lifter and former heavyweight wrestler. My personality is loud and forceful, his style is more quiet and introverted. We have vastly different body types and styles, and at the end of the day, some people have certain preferences. In these cases, you change what you can and accept the few things that can't be changed.
Even without a close, I still had a good night:
It's easy to look at an evening in terms of failure when it doesn't result in a close. But looking at my night from a slightly different perspective, It was a success in 3 ways;
- I successfully used an opener which I came up with.
- I performed an escalation routine flawlessly.
- I used kino in a way that felt natural and comfortable.
Especially on nights where you come up empty, it's important to focus on the positive smaller gains.
There's only so much you can do in a scarce market
No matter how good you are, when you're facing a M/F ratio of 2-3:1, you'll come up dry more than you'd like. Don't take it personally. Power through it and come back better.
In the end, none of us win all the time. If you ultimately want to enjoy the higher quality of life that comes with being an alpha, you need to keep the perspective of the alpha male.
EDIT: WEEK VI CHALLENGE: Consider the worst approach you've ever had, maybe you got a drink thrown in your face, or maybe she had a 6'5" bf who happened to play stadium football, or maybe you got all the way to the close only to be shut down completely. Whatever it was, consider the ways in which you can apply a positive frame to what happened. Share good stories here.